Working on happiness as a coach, I have quickly discovered that to be happy, you also must be authentic with yourself.
What does this mean?
Be true with yourself and the others
When you are not authentic with yourself, you feel as you are not at ease in your own mind, in your own ethos, in your own life. And, if you dig a bit into yourself, you can easily find that this is actually quite a basic truth.
If you tell a narrative to you and to the others, that is not yours, that is not aligned with what you really feel and who you really are, this will have consequences.
On your mind, and on your body. And, people will notice that, too!
Confidence, and happiness, come from telling the truth. First of all to you. When you look at your image in the mirror, do you feel that ease that arises from living and behaving as you really are? If not, start being honest you.
Start to foster your true yourself.
This will immediately let you know that you are enough, and that your unique set of emotions, thoughts, feelings, needs, are ok. You are ready to live your life despite pressures, stress, and mistakes.
More: if you are not true with yourself, how could be reliable in a relationship, being it a personal or a professional one? Everything that is not true will hamper your relationship and will make it unsustainable.
D you know which is the cause of this behaviour? Fear.
At a certain point of your life, you will have developed the idea that if you really showed who you really are, we would have been rejected and criticised.
So, you probably started censoring your feelings, and started adopting the ones you thought could be more likely to be liked and accepted.
Brené Brown, in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection writes that “authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we actually are”.
She then suggests that we need to do is embrace who we are, accepting the idea that we are allowed to be imperfect and vulnerable. And, in accepting our vulnerability, we actually become stronger.
10 practical ways to foster your true yourself
Here I list 10 easy ways to embrace the real yourself. Start practice these little tasks everyday, and you will discover how effective they are:
- Let go of all the false thoughts, behaviours, and attitudes you may have developed or adopted.
- Start telling what you really feel and need and act correspondingly.
- Start making small steps towards your true yourself, follow your passions, your dreams, your ideals.
- Make your choices not basing them on how much these choices are popular, but on how they resonate with your values AND taking into account both the effect these choices will have and your higher goal.
- Act in a way that represents clearly your ethics and values.
- Cultivate your ideas and your feelings. Don’t simply mimic other people values and goals.
- Start being open, kind, and grateful. Don’t play the blame game.
- Accept the fact that you cannot be liked by everyone.
- Learn how to set boundaries, and how to say no.
- Practice awareness, compassion, engagement.
Start understanding yourself
Dai Hara Kizendo allows you to better understand yourself through the regular practice of meditation and mindfulness.
This lets your authenticity to grow and settle.
Remember that being yourself is a journey, that needs daily steps to go on towards our goals. You must develop a true interest in discovering who you really are, and expect to spend some time before being able to get rid of all our false behaviour. A constant practice, anyway, is the best way to get results since day one.